I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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