I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
