I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
