i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
