I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
