She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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