They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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