hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
