fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
