Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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