Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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