Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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