why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
