Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
