i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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