literally had 100 drinks last night.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
