what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
