I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
