Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
