I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
