there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
