I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
