i jhust puked up my retainher.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize