Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
third nipple confirmed
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
