just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
