did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
