I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
