like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
