i barfeds in our rink
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
