I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
