sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Is it because I queefed?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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