If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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