I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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