How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
