He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
In other news, I just burned my penis
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
