I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
