Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
