fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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