haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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