when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
