haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
