party gras won. party gras always wins.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
