there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
