No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
