I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
