She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
