taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
