No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
