Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
