He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
