It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
