The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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