the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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