I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
it glows. i had to have it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
