we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
handjob tips. give me some.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
