Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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