I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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