as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
