im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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