I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
