Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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