She's JV to your varsity
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
