Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
