You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize