There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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