Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
