Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
