ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
