The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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