I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
