I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
