do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
